These days are the kinds of days that I look forward to... if I had a camera. The crisp air. The colors on the trees. All of the variations of this make me depressed. So depressed that I stay in and avoid looking out the window. Yet I sit here typing making sideways glances out the window. Yellow-oranges against bright blues. Shadows playing taunting games at me. Days like this should not be wasted. Here I am just sitting here.

Here is what I mean...

There's no blame for how our love did slowly fade
And now that it's gone it's like it wasn't there at all
And here I rest where disappointment and regret collide
Lying awake at night...

more class poetry

there are birds
fat, fat robins
and tiny brown ones
picking at the ground
with a purpose
that I cannot see
unaffected by the cold
they seem to do
this all day.
grass
street

brown sticks extended to the sky
bright blue but cold
sound of diesel trucks against chirping birds
numbs my mind, chilled wind
freezing fingers
litter-less greenery, surprising
sun warms yellow buds
brown, blue, green, yellow
chirping, motoring, trickling, babbling
twisted limbs creak
so cold
too soon

i want to be perfect. for you.

back to this blogging stuff. recently I was researching the history of my town. i cannot believe how intertwined this town is. this unnamed cemetery is the works. so many people. such little time. sharing the pictures soon. this series makes me think how grateful I am to live in a town with so much history. grad time is close. I will have time to blogandblogandblog.

champagne in blood

Today was depressing. Nothing happened that could have made me sad but it was just one of those days. A day I couldn't shake it. Even waking up was a struggle and my alarm started at 7:45. I didn't get up until 10, with my alarm going off every 9 minutes. I don't know... but those days are the hardest. It was my first day of spring break and I know nothing is going to happen this week. Joe has midterms, my friends (not many) either have real job or don't exist. I won't have anything fun. I'm stuck. Sunday I could go have fun by myself but how fun could that be. I have to look for frames. I may go by myself to the nugget and treat myself to triumph. How depressing. I need fun. It won't ever happen. No matter how hard I wish for it.

Day before spring break. One class left and work this weekend until I have NOTHING to do! Sitting here in the Mac lab waiting time listening to the hiss of the steam heater. Steam heater. This building is mucho old and I am pretty sure that I am going to miss it dearly when I leave. It has a turret, ghost, and wood floors. I wish I really had something decent to talk about. Maybe my life will get better next week. Here is something to keep you occupied.

 Remind me to do my homework.

spring break...woooo...

Spring Break. To some those words mean vacation and trips to foreign countries. To me it means cleaning my room and doing laundry. To be honest, I would rather do the former. I haven't been on a vacation that takes me on a plane in years. I do have North Carolina in August though! But it's really not the same. Don't get me wrong! I love the Outer Banks. It is one of my most loved places in the world and I know everything there so well now. But a place vacation transports you to another place. I'll wait for my time. Until then... I have laundry to do.

don't under estimate my darkroom skills...

Sitting here in this room alone for the past 2 hours gave me a sort of resetting. This feeling isn't always what I want. I have to reset myself to remember that people don't always need to be around me. I forget what it is like to be alone sometimes. These catch 22's seem to get me all of the time.

these lives we have...

When I thought about graduating (many moons ago) I thought I never would. It seemed impossible. Something that I could never do. It was out of my grasp. But I am in two months. Younger than my years, older than my looks... I am finally doing this thing. Gettin' shit done. I still can't believe it. So pray for my dragging ass because I need happy thoughts and crossed fingers. The seas are getting rough and my boat is only getting bigger.

No Alarm Sundays.

It's day like this that I look forward to. Where the timing of waking up matches the amount of sleep you needed, because of a work weary week, is perfect. Everything falls into place. The lighting in the kitchen is just right and bathes the room in warm light. The pancakes are almost perfect circles and seem to flip themselves. The coffee is made just right. So good, in fact, that it makes conversations seem effortless. But there are somethings about Sundays that are so horrible one can't even bear to think about. Monday. The six letter word that looms over you so you don't quite enjoy your perfect Sunday. So I say the big F you to Monday. Thanks for ruining No Alarm Sunday.